What does it mean to Prioritise You and how to actually do it?
There was a time when I had to be in control of everything. I deemed it my sole responsibility to do all the things. I took the liberty of taking charge in most situations and led the way. But this kind of behaviour burnt me out fast.
As a new mum, I was emotionally juggling what I thought parenthood should be with what was easiest for me. I couldn’t have what I wanted because now I have kids. I had to be responsible but I desperately wanted to build my empire. At the time I was living on our farm in Australia. I worked up until my daughter's arrival. One would have thought I might have learned a thing or two during childbirth with its unpredictability and you can’t control this situation.
Well, I’m a tough cookie.
When I put my mind to it, I have everything mapped out from my weekly menu, to what plants needed watering at what time, who was coming to pick up their weekly veggies to writing six blog posts a week, an article for the local newspaper, a side-job so I could feel like a human, and keep the house in some sort of order. And now a baby!
I’m not sure if motherhood impacts all of us with a slap in the face. Here I thought I was a nurturing soul. And I am. However, this Mumma has needs. At the time I kept sweeping my deep desires under the rug. Who am I to complain about this epic experience of becoming a mum.
Nope, I wanted more. My baby girl came on the adventure with me, she walked our land on my hip, slept in a basket as I tilled the soil, and cuddled in my ergo when I fed our flock of chickens. Yes, it was a dreamy life and one that I loved. That land was where I was building a dream, it just now had been interrupted.
Which caused my need to micromanage everything go up a notch. I worked hard for my bosses though it was only two days a week, I never missed a deadline and I had a loyal fan base of followers who I couldn’t let down. So I kept showing up.
My days revolved around Isla first and her needs - which is necessary when you have a baby, then it was with our farm, then it was Roy (my hubby) when he was home as he worked FIFO (fly in fly out) then it was my blog and newspaper column. What was left was a girl who had no energy for herself.
This meant that I often felt resentful, stuck, frustrated, misunderstood and hating on anyone else who was living it large. Because it sure as hell didn’t feel like I was winning.
The crazy thing is that combination of feelings and emotions have come up several times as a parent. My kids are so important and I want to give them the best start. However, far too many times I have neglected myself for their happiness.
What I want to do gets put on the back burner.
Ah, the need to please in the home is something else. These are the people I love. And the guilt I feel even thinking about leaving them for a small amount of time to do something for me - which is usually going to a yoga class, doing the groceries without anyone in my trolley, going out for dinner with a friend. These small pleasures didn’t take place for a long time. To be honest my list of pleasures has grown now I understand what it takes to Prioritise my happiness.
The only thing I had to battle was the guilt I felt for abandoning my family and doing something for me.
It took me a long while to get into my head that it is okay to be selfish - but in a good way. Because what happened over time of indulging my pleasures is that I became a happier human. Yes, that meant I was no longer snapping at my kids, I wasn’t stressed out, I was no longer frustrated that I wasn’t getting what I wanted.
What I believe Prioritising You means:
Prioritising you is the good kind of selfish, it’s where we choose our happiness over others. It’s putting our needs first, trusting ourselves, following our desires, setting healthy boundaries, showing up for our dreams and confidently chasing them.
What it’s not is - giving all our power away to other people. Stopping yourself from having the life we want because of what we think we SHOULD be or doing. It’s limiting our possibilities because of what others think or say.
Prioritising YOU is about focusing on yourself and trusting that.
Now, it may come across that when we do all these things for ourselves that we are indeed self-ish BUT let me say this. First - It’s totally healthy and normal to help others and there is no need to stop doing things for others, as long as it is not compromising your happiness. This means that you are giving because your cup is full and you can. Second - When you truly ask for what you want instead of holding your tongue - you may actually get the results you are after. Thirdly - only people with loads of time get to do all the things. Well, I call bullshit. We all have 24 hours in a day, it’s up to you how to manage yours. How can you bend time to work for you and not against you.
HOW TO PRIORITISE YOU
Take stock of your current situation
It’s time to get real honest and accept what’s happening in your life right now. Admitting that you created this situation is probably so far from what you want to do. BUT when you can see that you made certain choices it helps to put things into perspective. With this comes a little work around forgiveness, clearing the space all so you can then vision what it is you truly want.
Face off with your Inner-Critic
Our heads are full of nonsense, there are a million and one thoughts whirling around. And most of them are negative self-talk, it’s the shit we say to ourselves in the quiet, when we look in the mirror, or when our best mate gets a new car and we silently wish that it was us. The excuses about why we can’t have what we want are all there. It’s time to put those nasty thoughts to a test. Which ones are real and which ones are not - and where the hell did they even come from? It’s time for a self-investigation.
Get out of your head and back into your body
Sounds simple, doesn’t it? The only way for me to stop the endless mind hysteria was to move my body. Now to be clear I am not a marathon runner nor am I a fitness freak. This gal loves her gourmet food and bowls of delicious noodle soup. This is about finding a way to reconnect with your body. Because once we focus on our body and moving it, our mind clears, we are breathing again, our eyes are open to the world instead of being fixated and stuck in our heads.
Movement can look like running, yoga, dancing, swimming, frolicking on the beach, bush walking, bike riding, kick-boxing anything that requires full body energy from you.
Reconnect to your soul/spirit/vibe
Our bodies hold so much wisdom. It’s now time to tune in and really listen. It’s about rediscovering our creativity, passions, truths, triggers and things that piss us off. Those feelings, sensations and guttural nudges is where it’s at. Exploring these and rediscovering them will open up your heart to really trusting your vision, the one of how you want your life to be. The boundaries you need to place in order to make it happen. Plus sit in your truth and understand how both the mind and body can actually work together - for us!
In order to implement what we want we need to ask for help and set boundaries with others. This is where it’s time to come out of self-inquiry and start to apply what you know is true with others. Relationships will be put to the test, it’s learning how to stand up for what you believe in and articulating it. It’s delegating, it's choosing you and being clear with others what that means. Boundaries are for yourself as they demonstrate to others your values and where you draw the line. Learning to set and maintain boundaries is crucial for healthy relationships.
Learning to receive is a BIG deal. When you have focused on everyone else it’s a hard concept to master that you deserve all the glitter and gold. Because you do! Now it’s time to allow the universe to catch up with you and the shifts that you have made. Because you now know what you want. You know how to ask for it, you know what boundaries you need to place. Now it's time to release all expectations and build a practice to maintain focus on self. This is where many people see quantum leaps in their relationships, job/business, money, homes and more.
It’s unearthing your essence and staying true to it.