Learning the art of letting go thus far has been a lifetime’s work, and this is coming from someone who used to want to control the outcome of just about every situation.
Right now, we are in the thick of waiting for our visas to move our family to the UK. It’s week 10 and we have had no word, nothing. We are just waiting here patiently. Okay let’s get real here, some days I’m cool as a cucumber while others I’m frustrated and annoyed because the unknown lurks in the near future and I can’t prepare anymore for it.
For those who need a little background understanding, we are moving our fam to Scotland from sunny Australia. We were told that we could be waiting anywhere from 6-9 weeks for our visas and of course, the worst-case scenario is 12 weeks.
With all my manifesting power I got to work on letting things go, our furniture, our house, our car, our subscriptions, my clients, and more. If I can clear enough space, big enough for something to come, I’m going all-in on that.
This is the first week where I officially feel like I’m in limbo, I feel like I have nothing left to give up. I’m back to backpacking, we are staying at my parents-in-laws, the kids are sleeping on the floor of our room, we need to ask to borrow the car, decisions are made each day and we are planning no more than a week ahead (just in case!)
We are in a pretty sweet situation however there is still one more piece to the puzzle – if I have gotten rid of the practical and the material stuff the only thing left for me to go to work on is the emotional/behavioral stuff.
This bit, the bit we all don’t want to even address – but, oh boy, it’s worth it. WHY. Because letting go is also about changing our way of thinking and how we behave. This is me being asked to step up and do the deeper work.
I’m currently also studying CBT (cognitive behaviour therapy) which will be woven through my work when I land on the other side of the world. For now I am my own client and working through the emotional landscape.
It’s time for me to let go further in order for the next chapter to be written.
THE ART OF LETTING GO
Knowing it’s time to let go.
For me the biggest red flag of knowing it’s time to let go is that something needs to change. It’s the big heavy feeling of being ‘stuck’. For me, there is nothing worse than that suffocating feeling that has my mind playing a loop of repetitive thoughts to keep me where I am at. I usually know when I am in this place and that something has got to give but I don’t want to be the one to do it. Usually, it looks like procrastination, me hibernating, shutting down, pulling back and wanting to hide.
The only person who can acknowledge that it’s time to make a change is yourself and it can be one of the hardest pieces of the puzzle to move through.
Uncover your limiting beliefs.
The mental load that weighs heavily on your shoulders in that place of ‘stuck’ is truly exhausting and debilitating. The only way to face it is to explore the reason why you don’t want to let go. It could be because you are scared to do something new, start your business, set boundaries with family, take a week out for yourself, create space between another person or you may feel simply bogged down with responsibility.
We all have an undercurrent that likes to keep us safe, but when we uncover it we can get to work on what it all means. Courage is required to do the self-investigation needed to explore why you may be holding yourself back.
Changing the Narrative
Our minds are so marvelous they keep us alive, they move our bodies but they can also keep us in the same patterns and behaviours, the ones we like (the comfy stuff, like a piece of dark chocolate after dinner). Discovering your limiting beliefs is only half the work, the other half is changing the way you digest & process it.
For example, let’s look at a limiting belief I used to have around money. I desperately wanted to be financially free, there was nothing more important to me than to have money. However, I would get frustrated and angry when others around me would earn more money, have better luck in their business or even boast about landing a client that brought in top dollar. I hated it. In my head I believed that to be financially free I had to work hard and it was hard to make money. I struggled for years on this one. It took a good solid few months for me to turn this around and it was because I identified the problem and changed the narrative.
I changed some of my old habits and I started catching out my thoughts that were negative and replaced them with ones that excited me. Instead of ‘it was going to be hard to become financially free’ – I started living as if I was financially free (what it looked like for me) I cut back some things that were not relevant to me and got laser focused on what was. I changed my habits.
The discovery and changing the narrative of a limiting belief brings a whole lot of ‘aha’s’ because you are taking ownership of your actions. It’s big stuff. In the art of letting go we need to show ourselves a little compassion for what was once our truth and accept that we did indeed need to change. We also need to accept that if we wish to continue forward that we need to back ourselves and our new narrative.
Many of us don’t want to admit that we actually were causing our own limitations, trust me it took years to love myself for my mistakes, the lessons I learned and the things that I did or didn’t do. It’s like you are finally in your truth.
Understand Your Emotions
To me our emotions are the gateway to our minds. When we have a weird feeling in our bodies it is trying to tell us something. Often we can’t describe the exact feeling but we can describe what is going on in our bodies and that can point us towards what is going on.
I call my intuition my self-guidance system, this is where I listen to my gut feelings, those inner knowings. It takes practice to strengthen this muscle but once mastered it can help you to navigate your life. You can easily acknowledge what is right for you and the things that don’t feel good.
This is not to say that anything that feels bad is bad for you. Sadness, anger, frustration or jealousy are all real emotions and can be moved through however they too can bring light to behaviours or beliefs we have. I believe we get delivered lessons over and over until we heal them.
As cliche as it is, it really is true. Nothing is fixed in an instant when it comes to the complexity of our thoughts and emotions. It takes time to discover and relearn new ways of being. There is a processing time for each stage of the journey which is determined by you. And as you sharpen your skills to each stage they do become easier.
Give yourself some credit and allow things to unfold as nature intends them. Perhaps letting go of a loved one needs a longer period of grief but you can gently work on reconnecting to society OR you no longer want to have a frugal outlook towards money so start becoming money savvy and seeing the good in how money supports you.
This has been one of the most critical pieces to moving through life for me. Since my mid 20’s, I have had someone to talk to, to help me to identify what was going on but also to navigate the road ahead. I’ve used many different modalities however having a therapist to talk to has been an important part of my self-discovery. This is why I’m now training to be a CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapist) . It cements my experience and learning and gives me the foundation to support others.
Other modalities you may wish to look into are – kinesiology, holistic therapy, psychologist, energy clearing, counselling or EFT.
Over the past weeks, it was easy for me to identify what was going on and what limiting belief I needed to change. However, rewiring my brain still comes as the most time-consuming part of letting go. This part also calls for us to take action on our new found beliefs on what we need to change. It’s a double whammy – re-wiring & re-investing in our self for the better.