Right now we are in the final stages of living in our rainforest home, the house has been getting painted over the last few weeks, I’ve been selling and gifting our belongings to other people and the place is starting to feel a little empty.
Last week I did some deep reflection on what the word leaving actually meant to me. I had been watching Outlander and for those who haven’t watched season five, I’m sorry if I spoiled it for you but Brianna was to leave back through the stones with her family. Throughout the episode they had moments of goodbyes, some beautiful, while others complete tear jerkers. At one stage hot tears rolled down my face as I knew that I too have to say goodbye.
The thought of saying goodbye and leaving has crossed my mind multiple times the past few weeks, there have been moments in the middle of packing boxes where I start to tear up or while I watch my kids at soccer with their team.
However the realisation that I had was:
Leaving is just releasing what needs to be let go of in order to expand. (aka goodbye Fears)
Hear me out.
Doing the spiritual self work is a journey and the past few years I thrown myself in to it hardcore, I have emerged out the otherside with a deeper understanding of myself, others and how I want to live my life.
The saying that you need to let go of something in order to gain something else is one that I have tried unknowingly for years. We have all been there. We want something sooo bad but there is usually something holding us back – our thought patterns, behaviours and emotional attachment. Most of us can’t let go in order to receive – that need to control everything around us is present yet the desire still sits there.
This time I am going through the process with complete awareness.
I can see that in order to trust that all is going to work out for us I need to let go of not only my possessions but my way of living. Disrupting our lives completely and for the better.
Moving home is one thing but relocating overseas is another. Roy and I are light travellers at the best of times and this move is going to be just that. We are not shipping much (we are talking a few boxes and some guitars) we are taking the maximum luggage allowed on the plane and the kids bikes. That is it.
This means we are going through our home with a fine tooth comb and considering what to keep, what to sell and what to store. We are also trying not to store too much either, there are sentimental items that are being kept like paintings, vintage chairs and a few kids memorabilia the rest needs to go.
What I have noticed thus far is how much we acquire yet we need so little to live. STUFF everywhere, stuff in the back of cupboards untouched since we first moved into this house, stuff the kids used for 30seconds and never picked up again stuff I have kept because I might use it one day.
I’m a minimalist but I’m still surprised at what we have in our house.
Fuck the one day. Life is for living now. Life is for experience.
Lesson = we dont need much to live
#2 Our House
Saying goodbye to our home will be sad but it is our home forever, for those that don’t know my husband grew up on this property, his parents live next door to us. So we are keeping the house but opening it up for others to rent while we are away.
The past few weeks we have been doing work to the house we have wanted to do for years, like painting all the walls inside, trimming back trees and getting on top of the vines that grow wild. Late last year we finally made a grassy area for our kids to run around on. The place looks amazing, it’s magical, private and a total rainforest retreat.
The environment around the house will be missed, the sound of birds, the wildlife that casually stroll past the house (goannas), Charlie the carpet snake that lives outside on our solar system to the springtime spectacular of fireflies, glow worms to the rain season where we have glowing mushrooms that light up the house.
It’s been a great place for the kids to grow up, with a veggie garden for food, ute rides in the back of the tray up and down the road, to our neighbours kids.
A chapter that will stay in our hearts forever and the leaving of this does get me. Memories are with us forever, smells, feelings and sounds. Luckily it will be here for if and when we return.
LESSON: Our homes don’t define us they are our sanctuary and I can create that no matter where I live.
#3 Friends, Family & Acquaintances
I’ve moved through most of life as a single entity, connecting with people and making friends wherever I go, some relationships last a lifetime while others slip by as memories forever. The life of a traveller, I guess I’m nomadic.
The goodbyes with friends and family has become easier over the years thanks to social media. No one is far away anymore which is what makes the world so beautiful now. I can take you all on a journey through Scotland and you can live on the other side of the world. #socool
Leaving my parents farm used to cause me to well up, there was a longing to feel loved and saying goodbye was when I often felt that. I knew that they would miss me and I them, and that would make me sad. That unspoken bond of blood is like no other.
It’s our first place of belonging, in a family unit, no matter what that looked like for any of us. They are our people, our kin yet we stand individually when we grow to become who we are and the lessons of acceptance unroll.
Being highly empathetic, I have cried at many goodbyes and the tears that are falling down my face right now at the thought of saying goodbye to those in my life who have shaped me over the past six years stirs in me.
LEAVING is releasing and loosening ties in order for me to stand on my own in my power.
LESSON: People provide us with lessons to learn, some stay for the whole ride, while others stay for a few stops.
#4 Emotions, Thoughts & Fear
Here is what I have figured out leaving is an uncanny way of tackling fear. In order to expand one must let go. I have been consciously letting all of the things and stuff go in my world to move. Yet I am also making a solid effort to also work through the thoughts and emotions that are coming up around leaving.
Leaving is not bad, it’s just a chapter, usually the one where someone finally loosens the grip on something in order for something extraordinary to happen.
I’ve been turning my mind back towards the adventure that awaits even though the list of unknowns that lie ahead are long. The excitement drives our daily moves.
Yes, there are big emotions but I know that they come into play when I doubt myself and want to keep myself safe and secure where I currently am. My heart is calling for something BIG to come in, my husband has the same and we know it’s time to change things up.
It’s time for us to get uncomfortable.
LESSON: The word leaving is fear based and I dont want to live in that place.
We signed up for this and are we doing all that we can to make this move happen YES.
Scotland is only weeks away, I know it in my bones.
FEAR of the unknown,
Fear of change
Fear of letting go
Fear of saying goodbye
They have all crossed my mind at one point.
But my greatest fear is STAYING EXACTLY WHERE I AM
I need to let go in order to expand and be who I’m going to be. The next evolution of Lizzie Moult is currently underway.