This episode is for all the people pleasers out there, who want to do life differently. After a year of diving deep into this realm and working with hundreds of women to ditch the need to please – I share my top 5 practices to rock throughout the year.
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Oh my goodness. We made it guys. It’s 2021. Happy new year. Ha, how good does it feel to be on the other side of 2020? There’s no other way to put it.
Today I’m going to be diving into the possibilities of 2021 with five habits to practice if you’re a people pleaser. After my year of learning, experimenting, working with loads of women on this, I have come up with a bit of a formula of a few things that just keep reoccurring and keep coming up for most people and compiling this list for you all today.
So, you can survive 2021 and start putting yourself back into your world, prioritizing your needs, so let’s dive into today’s episode.
Which we’re going to kick off with number one, prioritizing your needs. The first thing for all people pleasers is to understand and know what they actually need. I think that New year’s is a great time to actually have some inward reflection of what the year has been, what it is that was missing. Maybe something that you would like to try. It’s a very important time of the year because a lot of people feel like this is the moment where they can take change. Now to be honest, I’m one of the people that can be like, well, if you want to make a change, you get to decide on any day in any moment that is the data change. However, there are a lot of people that are triggered by new year then, Oh, I need to change.
If you’re a people pleaser, yes, raising your hands, owning and claiming it for starters is great. Just acknowledging that you have that trait. If you go back to the wholeness method series, I did an episode all about the different ways that we are people pleasing. So go and check that out. If you want to just be like, I am I do that. I do that. I do not go and take a listen, so, okay, let’s go back. Number one, prioritizing your needs. What is it that you need? for me, I have a non-negotiable yoga practice. I’ve had it for years. Yes. I’ve had it since my son was, gosh, he must’ve been eight year old, maybe even younger, but I made it a weekly practice. I have changed different classes since then, but I know for me that slow gentle nourishing practice is meditation. It’s a time for me to just fully surrender to the floor.
I do meditate, but it’s usually for much shorter periods of time. Usually when I fit them throughout the day so often, and they usually run the lunchtime Mark. However this weekly practice is a good two hours of my time. If not a bit more, I get to drive, listened to an audio book. I surrendered on the floor and then I get to drive home and listen to that book again. It’s something for me. We all have our own different needs. Some people, yeah, beach people, some people are forest peoples and people, yoga people. Some people are kick boxes. Maybe you like doing CrossFit, like walking, running art, creativity, sewing, knitting, anything, reading books. What is it that you love doing dancing? That’s another one, what is it that you love doing? And what do you need more of in your life? I had a really great conversation at the beginning of his, well, beginning of December, all about, the need to be at home and nurture, our homes are our sanctuary.
For a lot of people, sometimes we actually just want to kick back and not go anywhere and stay at home. Well that’s totally cool. What are the practices? This is that you’re doing at home. Are you decluttering? Are you doing your nails? Are you having a bop? It doesn’t matter. Like finding some time for you where it’s uninterrupted phones turned off. Kids are sent out in the house, partners, not anywhere to be seen for you to have that time, prioritizing your needs. The thing that you need to prioritize is the list. You need to write at least five things on your list. What you stand for, what it is that you want. Okay.
Tip number two, responding instead of reacting. People pleasers are filled with anxiety and highly strong. I’m going to say it. I know I’ve lived it. My old way of being was to react to a situation not responding to a situation.
Now what I mean by this is if I saw one of my kids about to do something, they can ask that God, they’re going to put paint all over the floor. Well like even a cop on lack of the corner of the table, instead of bring it in the middle of the table, it’s on the edge. You’re just like, you know that at any moment, somebody little elbow is going to just knock it right off. Our people Plains are, would go in and move that straight away. Now that’s just an example with kids. Now it’s not about pleasing the kids. It’s usually a bit about having to clean up, but that’s just an example of like you seeing something happening and you’re reacting to it straight away that need to having to, keep everything happy and organized because what happens when the cup of water spills over, it kind of sends everyone into of a whirlwind, right? So looking at your daily activities and observing how you’re instantly reacting to something or wanting to fix or to change a situation within an instance.
People pleasers can often be quite passive aggressive, in a moment or it comes back, they sit with it. Just acknowledge your habits in situations, are you all of a sudden really? Self-defensive when someone has a go at like you don’t need to be, you can just take your own stance. Right. You become really self-defensive people pleases do this all the time. Oh. I didn’t mean to, well, Oh, it’s so cool. Like I acknowledged that these are habits. You want to look and observe a situation and respond to the situation instead of reacting. So reactions are usually emotionally driven. Causing just for a moment to just go, Oh, okay. Like yeah, I’m feeling this, or this has rattled me. You know that person’s doing this and that person that, and just looking at what’s going on around you. It’s practicing that having, great awareness, great observation skills to read the situation before opening your mouth or taking an action respond instead of react, that’s tip to tip three setting boundaries.
Okay? So you’ve prioritized your needs. You’ve written your awesome last. You now need to make it happen. The only way that you’re going to make those things happen is to set boundaries. Once again, if you go back to the wellness method series, there’s an episode in there talking you through how to set a boundary, go take a listen. I will leave a link in the show notes for that as well. Set yourself some boundaries acknowledge your time for a minute. I like people. Pleases are the most busiest people alive. We are putting everyone else’s needs above our own. It’s really forget often, like I still don’t sometimes I’m like halfway through dinner. I’m like, I’m so busting to go to the toilet. I know I’ve only got 10 minutes worth more of cooking. I will try and like, Oh, I’ve got this unconvinced, cook, cut, whatever.
I’m like, hold on a second. I actually really need to go toilet. Like I need to do this with me. Like it’s a basic necessity. It’s a PayPal places. Things are setting your boundaries on how you work and operate in life is really important. It also helps you to define your commitments. Someone asks you about doing X, Y, and Z, and you’re like, Oh, but deep down inside, you’re observing that you don’t want to do something. You don’t have the time for it. Know that. Start setting those boundaries, be assertive. Now boundary setting does take practice. I’ve had a few incredible women in the whole woman community, like I’m setting boundaries like no celebrating. Like once they start, they realize how much space it creates for themselves. And it does become easier. It is in practice, like all things, people pleasing, isn’t deep rooted thing that we’ve all had from childhood it’s evolved and changed.
It looks different on all of us, but we all have a little piece of it. Setting boundaries for yourself, your values, your needs is crucial for 2021. Okay. Number four, practice honesty. You need to be vulnerable and openly share what is going on. If you want to say no to something, just do it. Be clear, be concise, practicing honesty and opening up for the first time is going to help you get support for you and your needs. Because one you’ve identified them two you’re setting boundaries and finally asking for them and being clear and practicing that honesty of like, well, I need this opening, the dialogue. The communication is going to help you to execute that. Practice honesty, the next tip number five is all about ditching the excuses. Say for example, you’ve practiced your honesty and simply said no to something awesome, kudos. However, you don’t need to fill the gaps.
You do not need to justify yourself. And there’s response that you have given. Okay. I see this so often, and I used to do it myself because I was like, Oh, what if, and then I’d end up talking myself into committing to something I didn’t want to do when I knew that I didn’t want to do it. I originally was like, Oh no, I don’t have time, whatever. I’m trying to come up with an excuse. My dog ate my breakfast or my homework or whatever the saying is, for a reason why I couldn’t go. When I just internally didn’t want to go and it’s okay, just to be like, I’m exhausted. I don’t have the energy for this today. I’m sorry. Really simple, really clear communication and weaving through the honesty is important. You don’t need to be mean about it. You don’t need to be cruel.
Obviously use the right words when you’re communicating. And it does come with practice. I’m very brutally honest for those that know me personally, I am not truly honest, but as soon as someone requires time that I’m like, Oh, but that’s where I second guess myself. That’s when I can, those excuses coming through and needing to justify why I’d be doing something because I don’t want to let the other person down. It’s really important to know that you can be solid in your choice. Now out of all of this is probably the one that I’m still lacking on any nurse. To be honest, it’s not like it’s all the time. It’s sometimes there’s like little things. I’m like, Oh, damn, I just gave them a whole bunch of excuses. ? Why. So, you don’t need to fill the gaps. You don’t need to justify yourself at all.
In any given situation, you have the choice to be honest and open. I’m going to recap these really quickly for you. Number one, prioritize your needs, right? And your list down of all the things you need in your life and start looking at how you’re going to put them into your week. Number two, respond instead of react, three set boundaries for practice honesty and five ditch. The excuses. Now you have it. The five tips to help you survive 20, 21 as April plays off. I hope you enjoyed this episode. If you could take a moment of time to write and review the show, that would be really appreciative. All right, next week, we’ll be back with an interview. See that.