Find it hard to say no at this time of year? Well, in this episode of the Wild Success podcast I share five hot tips on how to survive Christmas as a people pleaser.
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Here we are at the end of the year. We’re one week out from Christmas and 2020 has been our big one. All I can say is the word Epic for this year. Much learning has unfolded in my own life, but I have witnessed it in so many people from my clients to the women in my Whole Woman community to friends, family.
2020 Now, what can I say? One of my biggest learnings this year was around people pleasing. Here I was, I thought I wasn’t a people pleaser. Turns out that’s something that I’ve been doing for a long time. I was like, okay, maybe we need a Christmas guide on how to survive the festive season because this is the time of year when people pleasers tend to overdo it, we’re talking extreme burnout. They even dread the thought of even like the festive season, even unfolding. I wanted to get a few points for you all together to survive this time, because I know it can be really stressful. The last thing that we want is to go into 2021 feeling burnt out.
In order to survive Christmas, as a people pleaser one of the first things that we need to do is to check in with our bodies as to what we’re actually signing up for. One of the teachings that I do in the Whole Woman community is to figure out, trusting your intuition and trusting your body more as to like making a decision. You, when you have that Christmas party and someone’s like, Hey, you should come. It’s really important to observe what our body is actually doing when that person asks what happens too often, people, places just instant. Yes I’ll come. Yes. Like they don’t even take the moment or the time to observe what’s going on. My first tip for you all is to actually observe yourself and observe what your body is trying to tell you in situations. What you’re thinking about when it comes to going to a work Christmas party, a family get together, hanging out with friends that you haven’t caught up with, whatever it may look like, what is your body doing? How is it responding as well? So this is really important.
One of the things I get, everyone that I work with is to practice this awareness. When someone asks you that big question, Hey, Friday night drinks, check in with yourself, just take a moment and go, Oh my goodness. Yes. I’m keen for that. Like I was so excited about that. Yes. I can’t wait to catch up with all these people. Awesome. You’re doing it from a place that feels good. That’s great. If that happens. Yes absolutely go. You will need to, as a people pleaser, go through the motions of getting there, but you know that this is a good thing for you to go and do. You’re not doing it because of something else. You know? Like you’re excited to go. Now on the other side of this, the flip side is the nose. So okay. Work drinks. Your body’s like, Oh my goodness, no, no.
I don’t want to care. I don’t want to have to do this. I shouldn’t go because our blah, and the shooter coulda, wouldas kind of start coming in and your body starts to close into a small deflated balloon. Your body starts shrinking in itself. You just know that you don’t want to go. Most people, places in that moment still say yes, because I didn’t want to let the other person down and then have to think of like 1,001 ways to like, not go to something. It’s okay to say no, guys, this is, we’re going to move through some other steps here in a minute, but just observe what your body is doing in those moments where people asking you questions, throwing out the invitations, be it physically Facebook, email, whatever it is observe when you rate it, like, do you actually want to go?
You will be excited. If you want to go, you want to catch up with somebody. You’re doing it for the right reasons for you. When your body gets smaller and you shrink down, those are not the things that you need to go and be doing. Number one, observe your body, your intuition inside of you is strong. It just takes practice to learn what it does. Like I can read my body now within seconds, but sometimes, you need to maybe give people like, Hey, I’m just need to check in with my partner. I need to check in with my calendar, whatever it is. Like just give yourself a bit of time to really acknowledge how you’re feeling about the situation. That’s tip number one, observation and checking in with your body. Number two, be intentional with your plans. I cannot stress this enough. One of the things, if you’re going to sign up and say yes to something, be intentional about it, sign up for the things that yes.
That make you feel good. You know that body. Yes. How do you want your festive season to look like, get honest with yourself. Here let’s get intentional about your plans. Do you actually want a quiet Christmas? Has it been a really crazy year and you’re still processing. Do you need more time out? Do you just want, close family or close friends, get clear about what it is you want for this time of year? Okay. Now being intentional also means like, setting intentions to get you through the time I’m putting a positive spin on it. You really want to make sure that you’re doing this for you, not for others. One of the things that can be really interesting to look at is who do you want to be spending time with? How do you want to be spending time with these people? What’s your role in the situation as well as how long do you want to spend time as well? As people pleasers time is of the essence, we’re often the busiest humans. Cause we’re so busy trying to do all the things for everyone and making everyone happy.
Right, I speak of this because I know from experience, I’m usually the person in the kitchen doing all the things. All of a sudden Christmas is over and I’m like, Oh, I didn’t actually have a conversation with anyone. What happened there? So, being intentional about who you want around you, what does your timeframes look like? Just setting the intention for a beautiful festive season, that’s going to nurture you.
Set some intentions around what it is that you want. Number three boundaries. Oh my goodness. Here we go. Boundaries, when what it is that you’re after your body’s confirmed, yes. I’m going to a party or no, I’m not going to that get together, whatever it is, you need to set some boundaries with your intentions. You’ve clearly outlined when you’re available.
It does take practice. I do know that it gets easier. A lot of the women in my community are just, I see it. Every couple of weeks as somebody new who’s just started sending their boundaries and their faces just light up. I’m like, Oh, I thought it was going to be so much harder. I’ve set so many boundaries this week and I’m feeling really good about it. A couple of weeks later, they’re like, I am setting boundaries everywhere. It feels good because they’re looking after themselves for the first time as well. Almost say boundaries, it’s just being clear with what it is you want and what you’re committing to. Okay. That’s the other really important part in what you’re committing to at this time of year, there’s often food preparation involved. It could be driving your great aunt to the airport. Like what are you willing to commit to? Where’s your energy at? Who are you with and how is that going to affect you with people pleasing? It’s like, we’re not just doing it because we feel like we should do something like really honoring who you are and that all tasks will get done.
Regardless if you do them or not. I will let you know that right now, you know, setting boundaries is taking ownership of self. Get clear with what you can and can’t do and articulate with people, those things. The next thing that I suggest is having support. When you’re going into a family, get together, friends, catch up drinks, or even a work party. It’s really great to have someone on your side who understands your people pleasing ways. I know that for a lot of people pleasers, they’re not going to even want to share that they are people pleaser. I get it. I really do. However once you admit it to yourself and can admit this to some, like, your loved ones, it really does help with the journey because they’re going to look out for you. Having someone to look out for you while you’re at an event is going to be your best savior ever.
It’s like, Oh my goodness, I just did this. And you can confess in the moment of what’s unfolded for you. It’s wonderful learning. You can observe yourself through somebody else as well. You just never know that they too might also have some of these people pleasing tendencies because once again, people-pleasing tendencies look different for all of us. Now there is an episode, I think it’s episode one of the series, the wholeness method is all about people-pleasing and then different ways that we do it. Go check that out if you’re wondering about that. Yes, people-pleasing and having someone to support you is just going to change the way that you respond in a situation. Okay. The other really cool thing about having someone to support you is that they’re the same. Cause as you having them look out for you and you being able to go over and share everything, asking for help is one of the weakest links as a people pleaser.
I encourage you to share with one person wherever you’re going, that you might need support to make sure that you don’t do whatever it is at the body. Be it trying to impress your boss to, making sure that your salad is the best one at the Christmas party, whatever it is, just only you and the things that you need and practice, okay. You don’t need to do all the tasks for Christmas. And that applies to everybody as well. That’s Christmas organizing all the logistics of it. It can be overwhelming and quite stressful. We don’t need to do it all alone. There are other people that can share the load and Christmas does not have to be over the top. It can be simple and rustic and effortless. It’s the whole life deer of the festive season is coming together and spending time together. Right. Just acknowledge what your Christmas looks like, go back to that intention.
What does it look like for you? Do you have the biggest brightest tree in the street? Cool. If that’s the case, then make that happen and that’s something that you want. Absolutely do it. If you’re like me, Christmas is all about spending time with the people I love. You know, our Christmas tree is small. There are a few decorations, but one of the things that I love and I’m very intentional about is like, I cover our house and fairy lights inside and out. It just, I dunno, it doesn’t makes me feel really Christmasy. Going back to those intentions of what Christmas looks like and getting the support to make that happen, I don’t put up the Christmas decorations on my own. There are other people that helped me to do that as well. You can ask for help and it will save you so much time, so much stress that is really not needed at this time of year.
Okay. My final tip for you all not only is the festive season quite busy and it can keep us quite occupied. We’re often on the road. One of the big things I think for a lot of people pleasers, is that they forget to take time for themselves. Now once again, this looks different for all of us. How this is going to play out for you is going to be different. Maybe you want to do a 10 minute meditation each day, maybe after Christmas pudding, you get to go outside and do your meditation while everyone’s digesting and having a snooze, find some practices that are going to support you during this period. One of the things, especially for us here in Australia, it’s so hot. It’s like one of the things I love is going for a swim. I love the saltwater on my skin over summer.
It hits the reset button. All of a sudden, you just feel so much lighter and brighter. Find some practices, meditation, read a book, do some journaling, go for a swim, go for a walk, whatever you need to do a reset, but also take time for you. Hey look, having naps during this period of time, why not do it? If that’s what’s required for you, to me, an effortless festive season, absolutely go for it. Taking time out for you and nourishing, you can be also what you’re putting into your body. Being mindful of the indulgences that come with Christmas and new years. Yes. There’s some scrumptious food. Absolutely. But you know, observe what you’re eating. Are you just eating because he have to eat grandma’s Christmas pudding. Well, you don’t have to, if you don’t have room for it, observe why you’re doing things. It comes back to observing your body, but it also the intentions that you set around what your Christmas was going to look like and making sure that you have time for yourself.
Fill up your cup, do the things that you need as well. This is the reason why we set boundaries. So you can have time for yourself. That way, when you do walk into that Christmas party, the work get together a friend catch-up, you’re your best self because you’ve given yourself the time and the energy to acknowledge what it is that you want, but also filled up your cup enough to have the energy for those engagements. There you have it, how to survive Christmas. Other people Plains are observe your body and what it’s telling you to be intentional with your plans, three set boundaries, or get some support. Five take time out for yourself. All right, everybody. I hope you have an amazing Christmas and festive season up next week. I am going to be sharing all about setting intentions for the year. Have a beautiful Christmas.